MY SUITCASE OF COURAGE

Going into my xc race today, I somehow thought that I could PR. Somehow knock like 20 seconds off my last meet's time to beat my time at the short and fast course, where I had my fabulous race. I ignored the fact that the back of my right knee was hurting badly during my 2 mile run yesterday. I ignored the fact that I felt tired and didn't feel fast. I ignored too many things, and didn't PR. I did have the excuse that the back of my knee hurt and I couldn't stretch my right hamstring at all, but as one of the 5 runners on our varsity team, I don't want to make excuses. People do great things when they don't feel great, so I will not expect any less. One thing salvaged this race for me. The ending.

So the first mile was pretty good. I felt like I was doing nicely, maybe went out a little fast, but I was going to see how long I could keep it up. Plus all the crowds are at the beginning and it makes me feel like I'm in the Tour de France in the mountains. I was also trying to hang on to the girls of a team we were trying to beat. Time: 6:15

The second mile. I didn't feel like I slowed down too much but.....I fell apart. There was no people except the coach of the team we were trying to beat who was EVERYWHERE. And since I was running with one of the girls, I had to listen to him scream at us for her to beat me. I was ready to smack him or ask him how he managed to be every single place in the race. It also didn't help that the only supporters over there were from the team we were trying to beat. I could feel myself kind of falling apart and at one time it seemed like everyone in the race passed me. The back of my knee started hurting a little and I lost that fast feeling. Now I think that they didn't update the 2 mile mark when they changed the starting line position but....Time: 13:40 or 7:25 (When I got my PR I ran around the same first mile time but was around 13:00 or 6:45 for the second mile) This time was incredibly slow and I don't really know what happened. However, right before I crossed the bridge in the course I suddenly realized that I had like a mile left and I had to somehow save this race. I also managed to pass the girl from the team we were trying to beat, while her coach was near us (although the coach was always near us) and I managed to make it up the short steep hill right before the 2 mile mark.

The last half mile. I ran this somewhere around 3:07 or 3:08. Somehow. I kind of freaked out at the 2 mile mark and once this girl passed me, I tried to hang on to her. I was basically sprinting the last half mile when usually I sprint the last 400m. With 200m left, I was feeling tired and I had slowed a little. The girl I was running with moved ahead of me and all I wanted to do was finish this. There is a 150m straightaway at the end of the race. This is my home course and it is hilly but I like the end. A girl from another team that we were kind of trying to beat passed me. She seemed to have a bunch of energy and I resigned myself to the fact that another person would beat me, because I was exhausted and had no energy left. But then I had some kind of awakening or enlightenment kind of thing. I (told her kind of in my head) "you are not going to beat me". It wasn't like I was surprised or just wanting this to be true or trying for it to be true. It wasn't just a statement either. It was like I was yelling at her, and myself, in my head a declaration that she would not beat me. That I was going to beat her. So I repeated this to myself and somewhere within myself I, as Phil and Paul would say, dug deep in my "suitcase of courage" and sprinted. I couldn't even feel my tiredness anymore and I didn't look at the girl. I looked at the girl's ponytails 10m in front of me and I raced that girl. At one point she pulled ahead but I just kept repeating "you are not going to beat me" and she didn't beat me. I beat her. My time was around 16:48 so I didn't really improve. But I did improve on my racing and on my last little bit of the race. I managed to motivate myself when I was tired and I somehow beat that girl. So what if our team might have gotten last or that our our 4th and 5th runner were the last 2 people. This race helped me realize that in every position, whether it's first or last, there is a race going on. We might have been in the second half but we still had a race. I even beat that girl when I didn't think I could at first. I still can't even stretch my right hamstring that much but I beat that girl. And for me that was all that mattered in that race. For me, it was the race.