XC RACE REPORT: GETTING CLOSER

"Life is not having and getting, but being and becoming." ~Matthew Arnold

The goal of this meet was to break 16:00. It was my home course and my legs felt good. It was only 75 degrees and one of my friends was coming to watch us. Everything seemed to be working right, I felt like I could actually break 16:00. But I didn't.

I was supposed to run at 6:15 so I had a couple of hours to wait after school. I cannot do homework before a meet, except if it involves math, so the wait was spent staring at the wall and thinking about my meet. Not the most productive use of time but I just can't concentrate on homework.

My mom dropped me off at the course because there's usually nowhere to park. We picked up my senior photo proofs before hand but I still arrived a little early at 4:45. I had to walk aways before I got to our camp which was where my coach and the guy's coach had parked their trucks in the grass, right next to the course. While I was walking there, I could see all of the colorful tents amongst the trees and surrounded by people. It was a sight that could only happen in cross country, but one I have seen many times before. It is sometimes these little moments that make me begin to miss cross country, even more than I already do.

There was four of us on varsity who started warming up at 5:05, which was earlier than ususal. I know every bit of this course so I didn't need to worry about where we were going. I know where the low tree branches are and where geese gather by the pond. This course is so full of memories but I was ready to make a new one. My legs were even feeling so much better than Saturday's meet, which was good because I intended to redeem myself at this meet.

As I stood on the starting line, waiting for the gun to go off, I was actually excited. I wanted to race. That moment is usually full of panic and doubts but for some reason I was confident in myself. I could look at the line of people stretching along both sides of where the course began and believe that I could do this.

The gun went off and the race began. The course is ideal for spectating because it begins with two loops similar to a track, in which people can run between. There is always people lined up along the straightaways in these loops screaming and yelling. It's hard to hear what anyone is saying but it's awesome anyways. It makes it feel like the race matters. It gets better when the course crosses a bridge and goes up a slight hill before turning the corner. People line up all the way from the bridge to the top of the hill and they're all cheering. It reminds me of the mountains in the Tour. Only without the flags and the costumes.

I finished the first mile in 6:04. I felt like I started out a little too fast but I was keeping up with a girl from another team that I had wanted to run with. My legs were still feeling pretty good but the next part of the course is the biggest challenge. For about half a mile, the course winds through a flat part and then up and down a slight hill before heading through trees and crossing back over the bridge. There's really nothing difficult about the makeup of the course, it's the fact that there is no one there. There is no one cheering or yelling at you to go faster. There is no one telling you what to do. You have to make the decision to go faster, without anyone influencing you. This is the realest part of cross country, when the only sounds are of feet pounding and people breathing hard. This is where the race becomes mental, when you decide how much you want it.

I was halfway through this part, just before the hill, when I realized that I had been telling myself to slow down because my legs hurt. I then told myself that duh, of course my legs hurt, because this was a race. The girl that I wanted to run with was a couple of steps in front of me but I began closing down the small gap. I knew that this part of the course was where each person made the decision of how much they wanted it. I decided that I wanted it, I wanted to break 16:00. So I ran faster.

After crossing back over the bridge, I had caught back up with the girl as people lined the course again. We ran side by side for awhile. In a way, we were both helping ourselves and the other person at the same time. Without her, I might not have ran as fast but I was also pushing her to keep going.

During this time, my coach was getting pretty excited. Instead of saying good job or keep up with those girls or something similar, he had changed his yelling. He was saying "come on kid, you're doing great". He kept calling me kid instead of my name. It was a little weird but I kind of liked it because it made me feel like I had moved up in my status ranking. Like he was believing in me even more.

After two miles, the girl had moved a little in front of me and another girl was right beside me. The three of us ran the rest of the race together. The two other girls had moved ahead of me and they stayed that way through the last straightaway. I told myself that even if I could beat them to the finish line, I would make sure no one else would pass me before the finish line. I kept that promise as I crossed the line. In over 16 minutes.

I received a yellow ribbon for 27th place out of 126 girls. As I got out of the chute, it seemed like everyone else had people to greet them except me. I stood there waiting to congratulate my teammates. Four of the girls had come in close together but they left to go back to our camp right away. I waited for JS to leave the chute because I knew that she really wanted to do well in this race. And I knew that she didn't do as well as she had wanted. I walked back to camp behind her and I couldn't think of who we were missing. It turns out the our 7th member had a really bad race and came in at over 18:00. I felt bad for her because my coach said she couldn't run varsity during the next race, even though he probably knew that it was just one bad race. He did take the top seven times though, so I guess that is fair.

I did not break 16:00 in this race. I finished in 16:05. I was probably happier than the girl I had ran most of the race with though, because she had finished in 16:00.07. I actually feel bad for her and I hope she breaks the barrier soon, as I hope to do. The race did go okay for me though. I might not have gotten the time I really wanted, but I was 61 seconds faster than Saturday. I showed everyone that it was just a bad race at that meet. I was ready to run fast again and my coach was proud of how I did. I do think that I could have handled the mental aspect of the race a little better, especially when there was no one around to cheer, but I am proud of how I did. The race made me feel a lot better because I showed myself that I was ready to race again.