THE EVE OF GOODBYES

"I’ve got my memories
Always inside of me
But I can’t go back
Back to how it was

I believe now
I’ve come too far
No I can’t go back
Back to how it was

Created for a place
I’ve never known

This is home
Now I’m finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I’ve been searching
For a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I’ve seen the enemy
And I won’t go back
Back to how it was

And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It’s not over yet
We are miracles
And we’re not alone
Yeah

This is home
Now I’m finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I’ve been searching
For a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I’m gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I’m gonna call it home
Home

This is home
Now I’m finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I’ve been searching
For a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Now I know
Yeah, this is home

I’ve come too far
And I won’t go back
Yeah, this is home"


~"This is Home" by Switchfoot



My last day of high school is tomorrow. My last day of walking down the hallways at my school, hearing JS yell out "k-funk" and eating lunch on the stairs in the foyer. My last day of sitting in my coach's class, laughing at him because I know more to the story than everyone else. My last day of going to hang out in his room 6th hour with JS and having fun. My last day of walking through the school, past the green lockers and my favorite teachers and my friends, knowing that this hallway belongs to me. That this is my school.

That will be my last day of seeing all those familiar faces, going past the dirty corner, hearing my teammate yell out hello, having people crowd my locker. My last day of my math class trying to get our teacher to get us to leave lunch early. My last day of my friend waiting for me so we can walk into class together. My last day with my fellow classmates. I may not be friends with all of these people, but they are familiar to me; I know their names, faces, personalities. I'm going to miss these people, even the ones that I don't like. They are part of me, part of my school, part of my graduating class.

What I might miss most about high school though, is having a place to belong. I love being able to go to school knowing that there is a group of people who care about the same things I do, who accept me for who I am. My running buddies are the best friends one could have. They've seen me at my best and worst, and they are still my favorite. I have my other school friends, and they are awesome, but they really don't understand my running. They wouldn't understand that I love just talking with my teammates after practice at the bench where all the distance runners seem to be. My fellow squirrels are what I will miss the most. They will be there, and I can talk to them, and run with them, but it won't be the same. I love being part of that team, I love being a scampering squirrel, and I'm going to miss this so much.

At the beginning of the school year, I realized how much I didn't want to leave high school, how much it meant to me. But as it became closer to graduation, the coolness of being a senior sets in and you forget what it really means. That you have to leave the place that has been your home for the past four years and your friends. But it still doesn't seem like I could really have my last day of high school tomorrow. Maybe this is because that I don't want to leave it. But I have to. I will have to walk down those hallways and say goodbye to what has been my home. I'm really going to miss my high school.

THAT'S NOT REALLY ME

In the midst of filling out college applications and scholarships (and not having ran all last week because there was an incredible pain in my foot, and not having run for the last three days because of a combination of a blizzard and wind chill temperatures, which did get me three snow days), I have realized something important. The ability to make up information to make yourself look good is underrated.

Technically, I guess it's not making up stuff, it's just writing the story in a way that makes you look better than you should. I'm not really that kind of person though, kind of like how I don't like making excuses. Because the colleges don't really want to know you, they want to know how good you think you are. And besides that, the one thing they truly care about is leadership. Which I am getting tired of real fast.

I'm sure leadership is a great quality to have, but it's not the top quality and plus someone is going to be needed to follow all these leaders. And maybe the real reason that I now detest leadership, is that I'm not really a leader. I don't do clubs or councils, they are too much like team sports, and I'd rather be doing something else. I don't organize community service activities, although I do volunteer. I'm involved in two sports that do not truly have team captains, although I can claim being a cross country captain because I participated in captain's games at our pep assembly. Licking peanut butter off of fiberglass while wearing a pirate mask should count for something afterall. I'm the oldest child in my family, which can also give me a little bit of leadership. But I don't have official leadership titles or duties. As my coach once told me, I lead by example and not by talking.

I'm sure this probably makes me sound like a loser who doesn't deserve a scholarship, but I'm really a good student. I have a 4.2something GPA, have a great ACT score, and have numerous academic awards. I am ranked 12th in my class of like 400 kids. But the answers to these scholarship applications evades me. Even when I try to write about something I actually enjoy, like running, I just don't know what to say. These people aren't going to understand it. And it won't stand out from all the others. Even if I use running as my example in my "challenging situation", it's not going to be interesting to someone not a runner. They won't really get it.

Although the leadership questions bother me, I could see the merit of asking them (except I don't think it is worth the multiple essays I have had to write on the subject). A question that really bothers me, is when they ask "do you want us to know anything else about you" or "what should we know about you". Do they really want to know anything about me? Do they really care? Because this is what I would tell them:


I love running. I dislike it very much sometimes, but it plays a huge role in who I am. The aspect of hard work, quiet determination, and perseverence are all parts of running, and therefore they are a part of me. I also enjoy the sport of professional cycling. Those aspects I have previously described can also be found in this sport. And plus, there is just something that draws me to the sport. Which is why I follow it even though I have few people to discuss it with.

I am often described as a quiet person, which I do not enjoy, because really, I'd talk more if everyone would just shut up. I also tend to take a cynical view sometimes, when not talking about what I really love. I'm not looking forward to college because I am going to have to leave a lot of what I consider me behind. I won't have any practices to go to, or teammates to cheer on. I won't get to see my friends everyday, I'll have to live somewhere else, I'll be forced to make my own decisions, I'm not going to know the teachers, and I don't even get a locker. I kind of like what I have now and am not exactly thrilled about having to change.

I am going to major in engineering because of the process of elimination of all the careers I do not like. My favorite school subject is history but there is no real career in that besides teaching. I really only like male teachers, because they treat you like adults and not little kids, and plus most kids hate history so it would not be enjoyable teaching them. One of my friends (whom I have many sarcastic, cynical conversations with) once asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. He told me he wanted to be a migrant farm worker. I told him I wanted to be a podium girl in the Tour de France. Which is really what I'd rather do,

And now I would like to thank the scholarship commmitte for reading my essay about me. I am not the prime example of the potential of greatness of our youth. That's because I am a real person who has unique hobbies and decision making issues. And that is what you should know about me. Besides the fact that I was tired of filling out scholarships midway through my first one.

THAT DAY

One year ago, everything changed. My dad had a heart attack. My dad, who has come to almost all my sporting events and cheers me on, who takes me to see all the politicians that come talk, who introduced me to the Tour de France, who loves to play Scrabble. Who was the subject of my greatest thanks that year, because my dad was okay.

It was to be the first day back from Thanksgiving break. Early that morning, the phone rang. It kept ringing and ringing. My driver's ed teacher told us about two weeks later that early morning phone calls are hardly ever good, because good news can always wait until morning. He was partly true.

I can still remember the phone ringing over and over again. The answering machine clicking on, and my mom's voice telling one of us girls to pick up the phone. I answered it half asleep. And then my mom told me that she had taken my dad to the hospital. He was having chest pains but he didn't want to wake me up because he thought it wasn't that big of deal. But my mom told me the sweetest words I could hear after she told me where they were at. He was okay. He was going to be okay.

I stayed up after that, waiting for the phone to ring again, and for my sisters to wake up. I remember the look on my youngest sister's face when I told her that dad was in the hospital, that he was okay, but we didn't have to go to school. That was one of that hardest things I have had to do. To tell her words that I didn't even want to hear. But he was okay. And that's what mattered.

We were allowed to visit him later on, and I don't think I have ever been so glad to see my dad. He looked weak and sick and okay. He had watched what he ate, he exercised- went on bike rides and went running with me, he did what his doctor had told him. He did so much right, and what scares me is what went wrong. There are so many fat, unhealthy, junk food eating guys out there and they weren't the ones who this happened to. They are the ones who it is supposed to happen to. But my dad has done even more since that day. He goes walking all the time and lifts weights. And he's still there at all my meets.

On that day, a year ago, I went for about a six mile run. I had been running at most like four until that day. But then I needed to run. I needed to get out of the house, and run long and deal with everything. My grandparents had arrived so I didn't need to act like the grownup anymore. I could act like the kid that I felt like through the whole experience. So I ran. I ran because it was my therapy, I could get out my adrenaline, my fear. I could be myself and didn't have to pretend when I ran. Running that day, that week, became something I wanted to do, something I had to do.

I'm not sure how my mom dealt with everything, because I was so terrified myself, and I knew from the beginning that he was okay. The way she acted has made her an even stronger woman in my opinion. One of the really hard things that week was actually going to school and sitting in class and listening to everyone's conversations. I couldn't make it matter to me, what really mattered was my family. And a year from that scary day, the same thing matters. My family matters.

MY LAST FIRST DAY

I start missing the Tour de France about two weeks before it ends. Because just the thought of it ending and knowing it will end, is almost too much for me. Saying goodbye to the race is really hard. As Andy Schleck said, everything you work for all year is over in three weeks. And while it's great that it's over, it's also sad for the same reason. He was stating most of my thoughts about the end of the Tour de France. But he was also stating my feelings about high school.

My last first day of school was today. I received my last high school I.D. It was my last time experiencing the first day excitement when you see your friends again after a summer away. It was the last time my parents took my picture on the first day. My last time receiving the first day of school hugs. My last time returning to high school on the first day. My last time meeting my new teachers in high school. My last first after school cross country practice. My last time walking through the halls on the first day. One of the first times I truly realized that this is it. This is my last year in high school. It really is now or never. And yes, it is exciting. But it's also sad. Because of all the things that mean so much to me, that I will have to say goodbye to. All the things that I already miss. Because almost everything will change.

REFLECTION ON BLOGGING

So my blog. I really like it. I like writing on it because it feels like I'm telling someone who cares about what I'm talking about. Sometimes it takes me awhile to write my posts but that's because I have to include all the little details. I like being able to talk about whatever I want, that there's basically no restrictions or guidelines I have to follow. Being able to communicate with people who have the same interests as I do is something that came from this blog. It doesn't even matter how old you are or where you are, I can talk with people about what we both like.

Being anonymous on the internet makes blogging better than writer's notebooks. People who come across my blog aren't going to know who I am and therefore won't have any ideas about me before they read what I wrote. They'll take me at my posts and that's it. I can comment on other people's blogs and don't have to worry about what they're going to think of it because they don't know me. It's easier to talk to someone this way, when you don't really have an idea of who the other person is.

My blog is kind of like a very detailed training log for my running because of what I write about. I know it's not really supposed to be like this but it works for me. It's what I want to talk about and since it's my blog, it's what I'm going to talk about. This blog assignment is something you can adjust so it's something you enjoy. I like blogging and because I get graded for it, even better. It's homework I actually like doing.

THE WAR IN CYCLING: PART TWO

The War in Cycling (Continued)

A severe crash prevented Jan Ullrich’s teammate and veteran rider, Alexandre Vinokourov, from being an opponent of Lance Armstrong during 2004 (Coyle 205). Coyle writes in Lance Armstrong’s War, how Vinokourov’s harsh life growing up in Kazakhstan made him a stronger rider (57-59). He continued to improve and by 2007, he had become a prerace favorite for the Tour. According to race officials, this Tour de France was going to be cleaner than the previous year in cycling. Instead, doping again racked the Tour. Vinokourov tested positive for blood doping after a remarkable comeback from serious injuries sustained during the race (“Vinokourov” par. 1-5). His teammate, Andrey Kashechkin, also tested positive for blood doping, and as a result, their team Astana, withdrew from the Tour (“Kashechkin” par. 1-2).

Iban Mayo, a quiet Basque climber, was the last of Armstrong’s 2004 rivals to be brought down by doping. On July 30, 2007, it was announced that Mayo had tested positive for EPO during the 2007 Tour de France, which had been completed only days earlier. He refused to confess, maintaining his innocence but was convicted and received a two year ban (“Hold the Mayo!” par. 1). It is unknown whether he will attempt a comeback but has dropped out of the cycling world. Mayo has been relatively forgotten about although most cycling fans agree he is guilty of doping.

The positive doping tests of many successful cyclists have put other riders under speculation. This includes the man who was at the center of David Coyle’s book, Lance Armstrong. He has split riders, directors, and fans over the belief of whether he did or did not cheat using performance enhancing substances. Armstrong has passed every single doping test yet has been continually plagued by rumors. Former employees of his team have accused him of doping and the positive tests of his ex-teammates have only helped the accusations. Armstrong remains as one of cycling’s biggest heroes and his 2009 comeback is well looked upon by many fans.

I believe that Lance Armstrong rode clean. My theory maintaining his innocence is a mix of other’s opinions but comes also from the man himself. He has simply too much to lose. If he cheated, Armstrong would become the biggest cycling and American doping scandal. Not only would the sport be affected, but also everything he has built up outside of cycling, such as the LiveSTRONG foundation. Critics have acknowledged this but say Armstrong could not have predicted what has become of his wins after he came back from cancer. Yet he was a talented rider before he had the disease and cancer could have made his mindset even stronger. Various tests have proven that Lance Armstrong has a physical advantage over the other riders, creating less lactic acid, recovering faster, and having a larger lung capacity. In Lance Armstrong’s War, teammates describe him as training harder and longer than anyone else, in hopes of getting just a little bit better (Coyle 167). Armstrong was meticulous in everything he did; he sought the best equipment and tried to perfect even the smallest of details (Coyle 76). Yet what gave him the extra edge was his focus, his drive to beat everybody else no matter what happened. Armstrong won the Tour de France seven times. He was tested more than anyone else because of his victories but if he was cheating, he would have had to somehow evade the tests.

Doping has tainted cycling in the races, the records, and the results. No longer is an unexpected and outstanding result met with congratulations. Instead it raises suspicion and the performance falls under the always prevalent question of “is he doping?” Critics laud the races as drug filled and the media is full of articles questioning the credibility of the sport. Fans no longer know which riders to believe and as a result, sponsors have discontinued their teams. Operación Puerto has been once more opened up and two successful riders have been linked to the scandal. Among the chaos, are the cyclists themselves; some are outspoken against doping, but many are quiet in the midst of the fighting. Most would prefer to just ride their bikes, although they do support the effort to clean up their sport. Three professional cycling teams have implemented extreme anti doping programs to try and reclaim cycling as clean. Cycling may be the sport most connected with cheating but that is because cycling is the sport that has done the most to find the cheats. No other sport has such extreme testing or long term bans, but cycling has the image of being the dirty sport because so many abusers are caught.

Amidst all the mayhem in cycling, among the questions about the riders and the races, loyalty is no longer strictly to a team or a cyclist, but to the sport itself. It comes off as a laugh to the general public and there is always a difficulty in understanding why people would bother following the sport. These same people do not realize how hard the races are and the bravery is sometimes in simply finishing the race, such as the Paris-Roubaix or the Tour de France. Daniel Coyle reveals in Lance Armstrong’s War what it takes to be a cyclist, the intense training, the constant pressure, and the always prevalent danger of crashing. He describes the magnificence of a solo mountaintop win, the crazed fans who line the roads, the pain on the faces of the cracked riders, and the glory of winning a single stage. Yes, it’s hard to see races torn apart because of doping, and faith in the sport wavers. Something continues to bring you back however and doping will not drive away the real fans among us. Cycling reveals the true champions in the midst of cobblestones, 40mph sprint finishes, rolling hills, and mountains.

THE WAR IN CYCLING: PART ONE

For one of my classes, I was required to read a book and do a research paper on a topic from that book. Because there was basically no restrictions, I was able to choose a topic that I enjoyed and read Lance Armstrong's War by Daniel Coyle. I loved the book and really liked writing the paper because I learned so much more about cycling. Not all of my research was strict though, Bike Forums isn't the best resource, but I really tried to represent and defend the sport. I had to change the paper a little bit to fit with the guidelines and let the average reader understand it but I really like how it turned out. This is what I wrote.

The War in Cycling

Cheating has been entwined with the Tour de France for decades. During the second year of the race, the top four riders were disqualified for a variety of offenses such as riding the train, sabotage of other riders, and being towed by a car (Barnett par. 4). Cheating has become more refined over the years and is no longer visible to the human eye. Various forms of doping are now the chosen form of cheating, and only concrete evidence, extreme doping controls, and extensive laboratory tests seem to be catching the fakes. Yet it’s not enough, as more riders continue to get away with cheating.

In Lance Armstrong’s War: One Man’s Battle Against Fate, Fame, Love, Death, Scandal, and a Few Other Rivals on the Road to the Tour de France, Daniel Coyle takes a look at not only Lance Armstrong, but also his rivals during the 2004 Tour de France and the sport of cycling itself. Although the book requires some knowledge of cycling and the riders, it is extremely entertaining and interesting. Coyle offers a look into the world of a cyclist, the training involved in becoming a world class rider, how the teams evolve, and how each one differs from the other. The book concentrates on a simpler time in the sport in which doping and cycling were not synonymous. Coyle briefly mentions doping in his book but this form of cheating was not a well known public issue at the time. In the four years since Lance Armstrong’s War was written, doping has affected the careers of Armstrong, his chief rivals, and many other riders as well.

The controversy of doping has turned the world of cycling upside down. To fully understand the issues one must first know a little background about the doping itself. One of the first most widely used forms is blood doping. This is the practice of transfusing oxygen-carrying red blood cells in order to enhance aerobic capacity and endurance. An outside source or the cyclist’s own red blood cells can be used, although both are dangerous because of the risks involved such as infection and blood diseases. Urine and blood tests have been created to detect evidence of this form of doping (Fiedler par. 1-2). Erythropoietin, or EPO, is possibly the most popular drug used by cyclists who cheat. Injection of EPO increases the growth of red blood cells and has a similar effect on the body as blood doping. Blood and urine tests have been used since 2000 to detect EPO. New “generations” of this drug have been created so tests continue to evolve (Asplund par. 2-4).

One of the first opponents of Lance Armstrong that Coyle mentions in his book is Tyler Hamilton. An American with a history of bad luck of crashing in races, Hamilton also had a reputation for being polite and respectful. In fact, the chapter in Lance Armstrong’s War about Hamilton is titled “The Nicest Guy” (Coyle 36-37). He was a former teammate of Armstrong’s on the U.S. Postal team, but left to become the leader of a rival team. He created a family sort of environment on this team which focused on forming strong bonds between the riders (Coyle 40-41). This, along with his gracious personality, made it hard to believe the two positive blood doping tests at the Olympics (where he won gold) and the Vuelta a España in September 2004 (Coyle 307-310). After an initial outpouring of support from his American fans, Hamilton was convicted and received a two year ban. He continues to deny the charges, even blaming an undeveloped twin for the foreign blood found by the test. His denials have made him a joke among many cycling fans which, along with race exclusions, have made his subsequent comeback difficult (Jones, “Tyler” par. 1-8).

Jan Ullrich and Ivan Basso, considered by Coyle as Armstrong’s biggest opponents during 2004 (6), were caught up in the scandal of Operación Puerto. On May 23, 2006, members of the Astana- Würth team were arrested for having connections to Dr. Fuentes. A sports doctor, Dr. Fuentes had been arrested for helping athletes enhance their performances illegally by using such methods as EPO or blood doping (Jones, “Saiz” par. 1-3). The case included many types of athletes but only road cycling was focused upon. Names of riders who had connections with Fuentes began leaking to the press, but it wasn’t until June 29, only two days before the Tour de France, that the full list of 58 cyclists was revealed (Jones, “More” par. 1-3). Mass suspensions and arrests rocked the cycling world in the biggest doping scandal to hit the sport. As a result of those charges and Armstrong’s 2005 retirement, none of the riders who placed in the top 5 of the 2005 Tour de France, raced in the 2006 version. Jan Ullrich was suspended and fired from his team because of the doping accusations. DNA evidence later confirmed these speculations and Ullrich retired from racing in February 2007 (Kröner par. 1). Ivan Basso, a young rider with an impressive reputation as the only cyclist to successfully keep up with Lance Armstrong in the mountains, was also indicted in Operación Puerto. In May 2007, he admitted to contacting Dr. Fuentes with the intent to dope, but maintains that it was only attempted doping (Brown, “Basso: ‘It” par. 1-3). Basso received a two year ban and began his comeback to professional racing in late 2008 (Brown, “Basso Ends” par. 1). Despite their doping charges, Ullrich and Basso continue to be adored and respected by their countries and cycling fans.

Operación Puerto suspended many riders suspected of doping from the 2006 Tour de France, but doping still shook the race. Floyd Landis, an American and ex- teammate of Lance Armstrong, was a former Mennonite and mountain bike racer. Daniel Coyle describes Landis as someone loyal to his team but still desiring to strike out on his own (157-166). Coming in as a dark horse favorite in 2006, he would get his chance to be a leader. Suffering from a hip injury, Landis lost over eight minutes on a mountain stage during the 2006 Tour. In what has been called one of the most epic rides in cycling, he made up most of that time the next day on a 128km solo ride (Decaluwé, Tan, and Kröner par. 1-7). Landis won the Tour de France, but it was later announced that he had tested positive for testosterone after his impressive stage. The news shocked the cycling world, not only because many of the cheats were thought to have been previously removed, but also because of Landis’s personality and the type of performance enhancing drug used. Testosterone is used to gain muscle in sports that require bulking up. In cycling, riders try to remain as light as possible in order to achieve a better power to weight ratio, which makes climbing mountains easier. Landis denied doping and has continually maintained his innocence. His book, Positively False, explains his side of the doping scandal. On September 22, 2007, Landis was officially stripped of his Tour title and given a two year suspension (Bass par. 1-8). He has now returned to cycling but is not completely respected by fans because of his refusal to confess.

BLOGGING

This post is purely for grading purposes, so any followers who actually read my blog, feel free to not read this post.

Blogging has allowed me to connect with others in a way I haven't experienced before. I have found something in common with people I wouldn't have expected to. My followers include a student at UBC, a computer consultant in Ohio, and a paratriathlete who, also from Canada, is trying to qualify for the 2010 Paralymics in nordic skiing. We are so different from each other, but we all have similar interests. Finding people who share my obsessions is what I like most about blogging. In this way, the people who follow the blog are just as important as writing the blog is.

Keeping a blog allows you to really be yourself though. Writing on the internet anonymously plays a part, but being able to write about whatever you want is also important. When people write about something they have interest in, the result is better writing. People are more likely to be committed to something they can exercise a large amount of control in, which makes blogs even better. Access to other resources on the internet is just another added plus.

GOALS

The warm weather we've been having (I've been wearing shorts in February) has made me more focused on my running. Running in all this crazy weather helped me finish a goals project for my psychology class. One of my goals had to do with running and although I went a bit over the top, I thought it was pretty good so I'd like to share it.

My Personal Goal

Sometimes I run because of a track. It’s a blue track, one where athletes from all over the world run at in April and where Iowa’s best runners compete at in May, but nevertheless it’s still a track. But through the winter, running through cold, snow, wind, and ice, the idea of running on the track at Drake University in Des Moines keeps me going. I’ll run an extra mile, do another lap, or run up that hill again for the chance to run a few laps around Drake’s track. Because I know it will be worth it.

I know this because I have run there before. When I was in the area during September 2007, I ran a 1500 by myself. While running those laps in the empty stadium with my feet slapping against the blue, I wanted to run there again. I wanted to race there with the stands full of people and other girls beside me. I thought this was a long off dream, maybe something I could accomplish my senior year. Or that maybe it would just remain a dream, something I would always wish I had achieved.

Yet eight months later I was there. I was realizing my dream. I had qualified for the state track meet with my 4x800 team, which we discovered after an agonizing wait. My race was on the first day of the meet, so I first had to take my A.P. World test. When driving to Des Moines, I prepared myself for this monumental event. The circumstances surrounding my race weren’t the best because not only was I incredibly nervous, but I had lost most of my voice, had a bad cough, and was aware of the warm weather. But when I arrived, having not even yet run, but only looked at that beautiful blue track and the crowds of people in the stands, I knew I had made it. As I ran my leg of the 4x800, I looked at the people, heard the cheers, glanced at the famous track, and realized how many great runners had taken these very same steps before me. I had made my dream come true in about two and a half minutes. And now I want to do it again.

In May of 2009, I want to be running around that oval again. I want to be running faster, be better prepared, and healthier than I was in that memorable race. I want to run at Drake in the state meet. Of course, by saying this, it won’t automatically come true. I have to depend on my teammates to do their best and help me get there. If I don’t qualify for an individual race, than it will be my teammates who assist me in attaining my goal. Not only will I have to encourage myself, I have to encourage them. We will have to work together in practice and meets to be able to run at the best meet of all.

Runners, specifically female runners, acquire the most injuries of any sport. They can happen by running too much, not enough, or even the right amount. When training by myself, I have to learn how to stop before doing too much so I am in the right shape in May. Running all the time isn’t good for my body so I will need to take breaks, no matter how many miles I have run. I’ll have to depend on my coach during the season to make sure his workouts don’t give me injuries. I have to take some responsibility also, by communicating to my coach about my running. I am still the one who needs to listen to my body and take breaks however.

Having said this, the only thing that can really stop me from getting to the state track meet is me. I am voice inside myself that makes excuses and takes unnecessary breaks. But I am also that same voice that has the ability to make me run miles after miles no matter what the weather or how I feel. I am the one who will receive the rewards so I am the one who has to work to obtain them.

To make it to the state meet, I’ve had to start training much earlier. I started running in November for the races in May. None of this has been easy. Because of the lack of daylight, I have to run right after school, which means I have to be home right after school. If I miss a run, then I have to trade in my rest day to make sure I get enough miles in. I don’t always get enough miles in, so I am not allowing for my training to be at the highest level. This might hurt my performance when I need to do my best. I also have to fit my homework in somehow so that leaves less time for friends or fun things.

Most of my time is taken up with hard work and it makes me feel like I’m constantly in training. In order for my training to be at the highest level, this is necessary. For example, lunch has to consist of healthy and filling meals so I don’t get hungry or sick during my run. That means no pizza, hot dogs, chips, or fries, while eating more of fruits and vegetables. I have had to widen my eating palate and as a result, the food I have given up no longer seems as appetizing.

This goal is very important in my running right now. Running at Drake is symbolic of the fact that you are good at running. That you have made it, you have achieved what thousands of others have wanted to do. It acknowledges that you have sacrificed so much in order to be at this spot and are willing to do it everyday with no recognition. Running on that breathtaking blue track was one of the most amazing events in my life. Just thinking of it, knowing that I have run at Drake Stadium where Carl Lewis, Michael Johnson, Jesse Owens, Alan Webb, and many other great runners have also run, it gives you the greatest feeling. One that I am willing to work at to feel again.

IT'S A NEW DAY

Having been inspired by President Obama's (doesn't that sound cool?) inauguration and the multiple Obama songs by Will.I.Am, I'm getting into this "it's a new day" thing. I actually did a lot of my homework before I needed to, I've already ran over two 7 mile runs this week, I'm at 23.8 miles with two more days of running to go, and I got a new haircut that I actually like. And I talked to my coach this morning and have been thinking about my schedule next year instead of ignoring it.

Of course, I've done all this great stuff this week but nobody seems to care. All any adult seems to be concerned with now is the future. Not that I'm not concerned with the future, I do support President Obama, but it just seems so far away. I like being a kid. I like my school, my friends, my xc and track team, sometimes even my coach. I like my meets, my classes, my teachers, my new haircut, and playing the sims. I even like being told what to do. It seems like when I make the "big move" and go to college, I'll have to give it all up. I'm not sure I want that kind of change though. I don't like making all these big decisions and trying to find a career while everyone still treats you like a kid. It's just so.....overwhelming.

Adults seem to be keeping everything a secret. I still am confused about next year's classes not to mention the whole college/find your major thing. I don't know what college I want to go to or what I want to major in. I ask people for suggestions but they all say something like "it's your decision". But the reason I ask is that there are so many jobs out there, so much stuff I could do. It's an important decision that nobody seems to tell you anything about. It's not an easy decision either.

I like math. At least I thought I did until we began learning calculus. Imaginary numbers now seem easy compared to this. I like history. A.P. World History was so much fun and it was very interesting. U.S. History isn't as fun but I really like learning all these little facts about the people who made the world the way it is now. But do you suppose you could find a major dealing with history and math? If you like math, you're supposed to like science. I do not like science. Possible because every science teacher but one, I've disliked, but also because it's just so.....boring. It also has to do with the fact that I kind of get it, but no one ever forces me to really know the information, so then again I don't get it. I don't want a career in science, but math and science go hand in hand it seems.

I've thought about engineering because that's obviously math related. I even looked up the different kinds of engineering on wikipedia and various other sites. Most sites just give you a basic overview of what engineering involves. Nobody seems to answer my question of what engineers really do. Does anybody know or do they just avoid answering the question? I can't decide on a college major if I don't even know what half of them are about. It's such a confusing process.

Now I've rambled on and not really solved anything, but I have figured out that I will figure this out somehow. Because "it's a new day" and I just need to take advantage of that. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself anyways. I'm still a kid, no matter what adults are trying to convince me of. This realization calls for some kind of youthful activity. Sledding and playing computer games are now more appealing than they have been.

EARLY OUT

Today after they announced school was getting out early and everyone erupted in cheers, they started making the obligatory weather related sports announcements. That meant that in almost every class I went to, there were various people complaining that their sport's practices were still on. What a bunch of lazy bums.

I guess I can kind of identify how they feel. I've been through too many announcements that come on and say "basically every sport is canceled except for track" or "all sports are canceled or indoors but long distance runners you still have to run outside". These announcements are terrible so once track starts, half days kind of lose their appeal. But these announcements also allow me to feel even more superior over other sports because weather doesn't stop us.

This superiority often makes me ridicule others when they complain. But some of my scorn is justified. The swimmers are complaining about practice- which is indoors. Basketball practices- indoors. Wrestling- also indoors. There are no sports that have their season during the winter that practice outdoors. Yet they complain when I know that regardless of the weather I will run outside. There's a reason we got out early, blizzard warnings, blowing snow including the three inches that was on the ground while I ran, plus it was cold outside. All those people complaining get to be inside so why are they complaining?

It was a warm 26 degrees when I ran today and not as windy as it has been. Sure, those 5.65 miles were incredibly slow because there was snow on the sidewalks and streets that made it hard to run on. Then there was the problem of the snow blowing into my face on the way back to my house. My long sleeve shirt was soaked and covered in snow. The snow had also covered my knee socks making my running tights underneath them, very wet. The worst part of the snow wasn't the fact that it stung my cheeks and made me cold, it was that it was freezing on my eyelashes, headband, and hair. I was constantly having to wipe off my face to see. And with the low visibility, that didn't help.

Running in the snow is, of course, magical at times, but not as much today. I was pretty focused on getting my run done so I could get warm and eat lunch (at 2:50) than noticing the quiet, snow globe like feel. I was trying to go faster too, but that wasn't working out as well. Overall, it wasn't a terrible run, just really hard. It's almost making me look forward to single digit temperatures.